VickyC.me

The Health & Safety geniuses in Britain have decided that bins must be checked for sleeping, vagrant, drunk, drugged up individuals prior to their emptying. According to the Health & Safety Executive (HSE) website, there have been 3 such deaths in the last year. The HSE is taking the piss though, if I were a bin operative (can’t say “bin men”, it’s un-PC) I’d be insulted that H&S think that I’m incapable of smacking the side of a bin and looking inside it.

Their solution? Well, it comes in the form of a 7 page document offering “guidelines” on how to deal with “people occupying a waste container or receptacle, (commonly called a bin), usually for the purpose of sleep or shelter – but not necessarily restricted to such purpose”. The commonly called a bin part is golden – you can’t make this up! This is followed by 3 pages on how to “assess the situation”, and finally, a 3 point bin-checking check list:

1. Banging on the sides of the bin with or without a suitable tool for such a purpose. (May I ask what constitutes a suitable tool for banging on the side of a bin?!)
2. Lifting of the lid of the bin, taking care to ensure that the person undertaking the check does not put themselves at risk by doing so by, for example, climbing up, or dislodging waste which might fall upon the checker.
3. Carrying out a visual examination of the surface of the contents. NB: Physically disturbing and rummaging around in the contents is not recommended or required, although a suitable tool such as a reach pole or robust stick could be used to prod the contents if desired.

A stick?! We can’t have this, banging on the sides of the bin with a STICK. England isn’t a Third World Country (not just yet, anyway). These men need portable MRI machines. A stick. Really! The rest of the world will laugh at us! And, what if some poor innocent bin dweller’s eye gets poked out?! Sorry HSE – I think it’s back to the drawing board with this one..

AND, what if a psychopath is hiding in a waste container with a knife, or a terrorist with an AK-47, or a tiger?! No, no, it’s far too dangerous!!

Instead, every bin should be laid horizontally by means of a crane, then carefully opened by a police officer (or a PCSO having received appropriate training) in riot gear, then slowly tilted upward by said crane so the contents can come out and injury to any dweller of the container can be minimized. Nonetheless, paramedics should be on standby. The whole process to be supervised by at least two municipal officials in hi-vis jackets and hard hats with clipboards and clicky pens. A full risk-assessment must be conducted beforehand by middle-ranking H&S executives… – wearing hi-vis jackets, not to forget. The entire street, and, depending on the circumstances, neighborhood, should be blocked off to all traffic for the duration of the process.

Maybe we just ought to put warning stickers on the bins:

BEWARE! USING THIS CONTAINER AS A BED RUNS THE RISK OF DEATH BY MECHANICAL CRUSHING!!!
*** COUNCIL ACCEPT NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANY DEATHS THAT OCCUR DUE TO BREACH OF THOSE GUIDELINES.

I’m not making light of death by trash compactor, in fact, bins should be checked. Especially since horrible people throw puppies and babies in them. But this HSE BS is really taking the piss.

Oh, and if someone is found sleeping in one of your bins, do you get a fine for incorrect waste sorting..? So beware people of Britain, not only will you be woken up at 6 am by glass clanking and cans rattling, you will hear the sound of a bin operative banging on the side of your bins. Maybe the cast of Stomp could give them a hand between touring..?

Tags: Britain, england, Government, Great Britain, Health & Safety, HSE, News, Ridiculous, VickyC, VickyC.me

This entry was posted on Sunday, June 13th, 2010 at 11:59 am and is filed under Articles. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.