The Health & Safety geniuses in Britain have decided that bins must be checked for sleeping, vagrant, drunk, drugged up individuals prior to their emptying. According to the Health & Safety Executive (HSE) website, there have been 3 such deaths in the last year. The HSE is taking the piss though, if I were a bin operative (can’t say “bin men”, it’s un-PC) I’d be insulted that H&S think that I’m incapable of smacking the side of a bin and looking inside it.

Their solution? Well, it comes in the form of a 7 page document offering “guidelines” on how to deal with “people occupying a waste container or receptacle, (commonly called a bin), usually for the purpose of sleep or shelter – but not necessarily restricted to such purpose”. The commonly called a bin part is golden – you can’t make this up! This is followed by 3 pages on how to “assess the situation”, and finally, a 3 point bin-checking check list:

1. Banging on the sides of the bin with or without a suitable tool for such a purpose. (May I ask what constitutes a suitable tool for banging on the side of a bin?!)
2. Lifting of the lid of the bin, taking care to ensure that the person undertaking the check does not put themselves at risk by doing so by, for example, climbing up, or dislodging waste which might fall upon the checker.
3. Carrying out a visual examination of the surface of the contents. NB: Physically disturbing and rummaging around in the contents is not recommended or required, although a suitable tool such as a reach pole or robust stick could be used to prod the contents if desired.

A stick?! We can’t have this, banging on the sides of the bin with a STICK. England isn’t a Third World Country (not just yet, anyway). These men need portable MRI machines. A stick. Really! The rest of the world will laugh at us! And, what if some poor innocent bin dweller’s eye gets poked out?! Sorry HSE – I think it’s back to the drawing board with this one..

AND, what if a psychopath is hiding in a waste container with a knife, or a terrorist with an AK-47, or a tiger?! No, no, it’s far too dangerous!!

Instead, every bin should be laid horizontally by means of a crane, then carefully opened by a police officer (or a PCSO having received appropriate training) in riot gear, then slowly tilted upward by said crane so the contents can come out and injury to any dweller of the container can be minimized. Nonetheless, paramedics should be on standby. The whole process to be supervised by at least two municipal officials in hi-vis jackets and hard hats with clipboards and clicky pens. A full risk-assessment must be conducted beforehand by middle-ranking H&S executives… – wearing hi-vis jackets, not to forget. The entire street, and, depending on the circumstances, neighborhood, should be blocked off to all traffic for the duration of the process.

Maybe we just ought to put warning stickers on the bins:

BEWARE! USING THIS CONTAINER AS A BED RUNS THE RISK OF DEATH BY MECHANICAL CRUSHING!!!
*** COUNCIL ACCEPT NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANY DEATHS THAT OCCUR DUE TO BREACH OF THOSE GUIDELINES.

I’m not making light of death by trash compactor, in fact, bins should be checked. Especially since horrible people throw puppies and babies in them. But this HSE BS is really taking the piss.

Oh, and if someone is found sleeping in one of your bins, do you get a fine for incorrect waste sorting..? So beware people of Britain, not only will you be woken up at 6 am by glass clanking and cans rattling, you will hear the sound of a bin operative banging on the side of your bins. Maybe the cast of Stomp could give them a hand between touring..?

Kerry Robertson and Mark McDougall have their lives ruined by social services who take their newborn baby from them

I did a post in November about the young couple from Fife, Scotland – Kerry Robertson, 17 and Mark McDougall, 25. For those of you who can’t be bothered to click, I’ll do a quick summary:

- Miss Robertson and her fiance wanted to get married prior to the birth of their baby, but in September 2009, 2 days before their wedding, the council made them cancel their wedding – claiming that Miss Robertson who was 5 months pregnant at the time,“did not understand the implications of getting married” – because she has learning difficulties…

- So the couple didn’t get married, and by November when she was 7 months pregnant, social services said that they would take her baby away from her at birth because she was “not clever enough” to raise the child.

- After being threatened, the couple fled. They took whatever money they had saved and fled Scotland to raise their child elsewhere. An anonymous person had been helping them pay for their housing, and their family and friends had donated clothes, baby furniture etc.

Last Friday, in a hospital in Ireland, Kerry Robertson gave birth to her little boy, Ben – who they had picked out the name for back in November. Four days later, Irish social services came in and took the little boy away from them. The midwives who had been helping Miss Robertson had to leave the room because they were so distressed at seeing the young mother having her baby taken away from her.

According to Family Law, Fife social services are well within their rights to go after the couple IF they believe that the child is SERIOUSLY at risk by staying where he is.

I cannot see why they want to ruin these poor young peoples’ lives. It’s utter lunacy. All this poor girl wanted was to do was get married and raise her baby in a loving family environment, with her loved ones and friends nearby for support. But no, these bloody social services paper-pushing idiots are not letting her. They keep saying “learning difficulties”, “learning difficulties” .. well, bloody what kind of learning difficulties?! She was going to school (which shows that she has discipline and patience), and even her boyfriend didn’t know she had any “learning difficulties” until after they had begun dating.

The social services really need to get their arses in gear and stop harassing this couple. If she has learning difficulties then HELP her to raise her baby and go after the parents who are neglecting and abusing their children. It doesn’t make sense. Watch, they’re going to sterilize and CRB check everyone who wants to have a baby next. And then implant chips in everyone. And burn all of our books.

And apparently, according to the father, the social services had the wrong name and wrong date of birth on the “baby removal order” – which essentially makes this kidnapping. And what happens to all those underage parents who think that it’s fine to go on a 24 hr booze binge and leave their kids at home? Sh*t all happens – they have another baby and get more benefits.

I hope she gets baby Ben back and gets a whole lot of compensation from the council.

I don’t know why it bothers me when famous people come out with perfumes… or fragrances… or scents… I’m going to go with fragrance…

The latest celeb to release a fragrance is Beyonce, and it is named Beyonce Heat. Nice.

The big hitters in the fragrance game are of course J-Lo who seems to have a new fragrance out every season, and Britney, whose fragrances either have the word “curious” or “fantasy”… very creative… ?! And of course we mustn’t forget the Beckhams with their His & Hers fragrances and Celine Dion.

I’m sure they smell nice.. but really?! I can’t really understand the appeal of celeb fragrances.. And the names – they’re great! It’s like they just throw words together – in the hope that you will buy their ridiculously priced scented water… Take Jessica Simpson’s Fancy Love.. What does that even mean?!

And perfume ads.. you can always tell when there’s one on.. you have to have semi naked people with far-away looks on their faces, either draped over a chair or rolling around on a bed or in a field and the voice over person saying things like “beauty… remember… seduction… imagination… love…. (insert name of expensive fragranced water) by (name of some expensive company)”. yuck.

I mean, I love my perfumes.. I just think the advertising is a little ridiculous.. and famous people should stop with the “fragrance making” and silly names.

Here’s a list of what I think are the most ridiculous perfume names:

Intimately Beckham by David Beckham – I don’t really want to smell Beckham’s intimate areas thank you….
Insolence by Guerlain – Maybe smelling like rude works for some people… lol
Lady Sexy by Paris Hilton – I beleive Miss Hilton thought of that one all by herself…
Unforgivable Woman by Sean John – I don’t even know what to do with this lol
Cumming by Alan Cumming – imagine asking for this in a store?? smart-ass remarks below please!!
Taste by Jessica Simpson – Yuck by VickyC
Ladyboy by B Never Too Busy To Be Beautiful – can’t imagine asking for this in a store either…
Breath of God by B Never Too Busy To Be Beautiful – A little presumptuous, but hell, I’m sure God’s breath smells fabulous!!

I could keep going, but I won’t. And don’t get me wrong, I love my Dior. But the names, the ads, the famous people.. It’s funny, but a little annoying. When even 50 cent has his own fragrance, you know something is wrong!

What would you call your perfume if you had one? What fragrances do you think have the most absurd names? Let me know in the comments!

It makes me think that they did it on purpose. It’s such an obvious mistake. But why would they print something like that on the cover of their magazine? People aren’t going to buy their magazine because their photoshopping peope messed up. It’s not like this will get them any good publicity. It  makes them look like they don’t care. If it was a tiny picture on page 60, then ok – maybe it wouldn’t be noticed.. But this is the cover picture! It’s like the MOST important page!!! What if they accidentaly airbrushed one of her eyebrows off?! Or even worse.. What if they left that tiny bit ofhip in the picture!!!! OH NO!!! Can you imagine?!?!

Demi Moore is beautiful. At 47, she has an envyable body, beautiful skin, husband half her age, the list goes on.

According to spokespeople from W Magazine, the retouching was done in-house and nothing “unusual or out of the ordinary” was done. Unless Demi Moore is deformed in the hip area, I think these people are lying. They deleted a piece of her hip!!! How is that not unusual?!

Is there not an editor at  W Magazine whose job it is to check for these things before their magazine goes to print? Anyone who spent more than 5 seconds looking at this picture could see that something is clearly wrong. It’s like the Ralph Lauren ads where the model’s waist was digitally minimized to the width of her head.

I have huge issues with retouching pictures, and I honesty think that it is lying. It’s glorified lying that distorts people’s perception of what is truly beautiful. It also diminishes the our understanding of beauty when we see a real and not retouched picture. The colours just aren’t bright enough, the contrast just isn’t strong enough, the skin/eyes are the wrong colour, there’s too much arm fat, etc.. It’s getting a little ridiculous.

It makes me think that they did it on purpose. I mean, it’s such an obvious mistake. But why would they print something like that on the cover of their magazine? It can’t be to boost their sales. People aren’t going to buy their magazine because their photoshopping people messed up. It’s not like this will get them any good publicity. It  makes them look like they don’t care. If it was a tiny picture on page 60, then ok – maybe it wouldn’t be noticed.. But this is the cover picture! It’s like the MOST important page!!! What if they accidentally airbrushed one of her eyebrows off?! Or even worse.. What if they left that tiny bit of hip in the picture!!!! OH NO!!! Can you imagine?!?!

The UK government is threatening to give all new immigrants, who are applying for visas, language tests to prove their proficiency in the language. This has bad news written all over it. I’m in no way trying to slate any immigrants.. My mother is an immigrant. I’m just slating this new idea.

With that being said, the government is trying to get a handle on it’s immigration problem, which is rapidly spiralling out of control. The government ministers responsible for this claim that immigrants must have a satisfactory command of the English language in order to prove that they will be able to successfully participate in society. Ok, fair enough. If Britain’s immigrants are coming to better the economy then, yes, they will need to speak the language in order to get jobs, communicate with their new fellow countrymen. But because of the welfare policy, there are too many bogus asylum seekers that are taking the states money. The country is already broke.

Also, I’m sure there are many immigrants that come to the UK and take English classes and do indeed succeed in integrating into society. And that’s great! As a functional member of society, you’re expected to do things like pay your taxes, pay your bills etc. Not sit in your council house collecting benefit cheques.

But imagine that you’re from an extremely poor and/or war torn country. All your friends are like “I’m going to the UK.. As an asylum seeker, you get a house, they pay your taxes, you get benefits, free health care, your kid can go to school”. You can’t blame these people for wanting to go to the UK – it’s not really a tough decision. Either they risk getting killed or they get a nice house and full benefits. It’s not their fault, it’s the government’s fault for making the whole thing way too easy.

But back to these tests.. Really, it’s too little too late. If the government was serious about this plan, then for the time being they should completely stop immigration – no more new applicants or people at boarders. They  should bring the troops back from Afghanistan and post them at the boarders if it will help. Then they should perform a full census, ask people where they are from, do they speak English, maybe that will mean printing forms in different languages, if so, so be it. The government needs to know who is where and doing what. Kick out the people who are illegals or bogus asylum seekers. Then start repairing the country – the now broke, ruined dump that used to be a Great country.

Also, sub-standard command of the English language by a pretty big portion of the indigenous population needs to be addressed. The current government has decimated the education system. Children are struggling with large class sizes, inferior teaching and being brainwashed by multiculturalism and labelled racists over playground spats. University students are burdened with extraordinary amounts of debt and their chances of finding employment are constantly diminishing. All the while, hoards of foreigners are being let in and the government is forking out huge amounts of money to educate them and translate for them. I don’t even want to talk about pensioners and the pittance that they are receiving…

And then there was the story today where an unregistered childminder from Malaysia who was found guilty of manslaughter for killing the baby who was in her care. After being sentenced in May 2008, she served the minimum term of her 5 year sentence and was put on a plane back to Malaysia 2 weeks ago with a voucher worth £4,500 for her to spend on her return home. Essentially, the money is a bribe for the individual to get out of the country – or a “voluntary scheme offering illegal immigrants incentives to return”. The money is given as “financial assistance” so that they can get health care, education, start a business, etc. when they return home. For a country like Malaysia, this is a HUGE sum of money. The poor parents of this baby must be furious!

What is wrong with this government, paying people to come in, paying them to get out. It’s Madness!  It’s like the Boxing Day Sales when people are lining up at 4 am waiting for the shops to open. Imagine if a  shop were to sell everything for 1 penny, how many people will be lining up outside. There are always those sneaky people who try to push to the front of the line… Now imagine the shop workers will give people who are pushing to the front of the queues £50 to leave – more and more people come and more and more will push to the front and total chaos will ensue. Sound familiar???

A mother in England, who had taken her toddler to the park to feed the ducks was left angered after being fined by a local council warden. The warden had approached Ms. Kelly, 26, and told her that  feeding the ducks was banned in the park. Upon hearing this, Ms. Kelly immediately put the bread away. But to her complete surprise the warden took out a hand held computer and issued her a ticket on the spot for £75.

According to the accused, there were no signs in the park saying anything to this effect, except a warning against “overfeeding”. However, the Warden claimed that the bread attracted vermin. The only vermin it attracted was the one that issued the £75 fine. I mean, were the ducks complaining? Was the bread not to their liking?! And how do you know when a duck is overfed?! Does it sigh deeply and loosen it’s belt before settling down to have a nice afternoon nap?! I know some animals just don’t have the common sense to stop eating, but generally, I’m sure the ducks know what they’re doing when they start ingesting bread! And overfeeding the ducks doesn’t in any way imply that feeding them in the first place is against the law..

To think that taking your child to the park to feed the ducks is worthy of a fine is ridiculous! Her 17 month old son, according to the warden, was “too young to be prosecuted”.  This begs the question that if her child were to be older, would they have received two tickets? Maybe an ASBO as well? Put onto some kind of “deviant person” register? Ms. Kelly has made an official complaint and I wish her the best of luck with fighting this lunacy.

If the council were to be as vigilant on actual litter bugs and and people engaging in deviant behaviour, the parks and towns would be so much nicer than they are now! It’s not like she was throwing garbage on the ground. How many of you remember going to feed the ducks as a child? I know I did, and I used to love it! It’s free, and a lot of fun for the whole family.

But let’s not forget that in modern Britain, easy targets are fair game. Besides, the warden was probably too afraid to go after the hoodlums who deface public property with graffiti or running around wielding knives. How on earth does the council go about employing people to do these jobs?! Fining someone for going to the park with their child to feed the ducks. At least she wasn’t taking him down to the pub with her!

Maybe we could save the warden the hassle of physically having to walk up to us by being made to wear “registration numbers” on ourselves. That way, when we do something petty like this, the first we’ll hear of it will be the fine that we receive in the mail. Maybe some kind of mass registration/identification scheme is what all this money is being collected for…???

Too far fetched? Perhaps, but not that long ago, stories like this would have seemed far fetched too…

In the UK alone, during the last six years, over 15,000 people have filed complaints with the Criminal Records Bureau to refute the information that is being released to potential employers. Last year the equivalent of seven people challenged the CRB – twice the figure from 2002-2003.

The reasons given for the errors range from the individuals having similar personal details to an offender, to mistakes made on court and police records. Also, the increase in identity theft has greatly elevated the problem.

In the last few weeks, it has emerged that over 11 million adults will need to be checked on a database operated by the Independent Safeguarding Authority (ISA). These background checks will be required for people who intend to work with children or vulnerable adults – this goes so far as to include parents who volunteer to take young students to school related events.

Although so far the number of disputed cases has remained quite small, the long term implications of these false records will cost people their jobs and ruin peoples lives. It is the responsibility of these record keeping organizations to ensure that the sensitive information they are keeping is 100% accurate. It is ludicrous to think that people could be branded as criminals simply because they share the same name as a criminal or that they have been the victim of identity fraud. It’s like labelling someone as a criminal and letting the real offender slip through the net. It’s just not right!

In response, a spokesperson from the CRB said that their checks have prevented nearly 100,000 unsuitable people from working with vulnerable groups, but they fail to acknowledge the implications that these mistakes have had on people: “This is not about the CRB making mistakes – information released on a CRB check can be disputed for a number of reasons”. Of course it can be disputed, but it probably takes YEARS for them to go back into their files and look for their mistakes, during which time, the poor person who’s information is wrong cannot find a job, go to the park with their child.. They would probably be better off changing their name than trying to convince these box-ticking bureaucrats of their mistakes!

On that note, I wonder how many “Gordon Brown’s” have a criminal past!! And why all the lists and checks and databases? It’s supposed to be for our benefit and to protect children, but in all honesty, the current government with their stupid legislations couldn’t organize a piss up in a brewery! And they want to trace everything down to text messages and phone calls, but can’t get simple details right?! I mean, I’m all for the government ensuring the safety and security of the population, but the fact that they are keeping ALL records indefinitely is not acceptable. Records for minor infringements should be cleared – especially when they are irrelevant to the type of job that is being applied for. Otherwise, eventually no one will stand a chance of doing anything! If a person was accused of being a criminal when they weren’t, they would be fully within their rights to sue for slander and defamation of character. The fact that taking so long to correct the mistakes is going to lead to so many problems in the future.

I don’t know – it’s all just getting a bit too ridiculous!

Today, the Daily Mail reported that an illegal Bolivian immigrant won the right to remain in Britain because he has a girlfriend and a cat. The court decided that sending him back to his country would be a breech of his human rights – because clearly, having a cat and a girlfriend means that the guy has a life set up in Britain – despite being an illegal immigrant… Yeah, OK British Government!!!

Anyone who has been following European news in the last few months will know about the “Jungle” in Calais, and how Britain, with it’s absurd immigration and welfare policies is just chucking money and housing at people – hence the ever increasing numbers of migrants and people on welfare. I believe that any government that has the resources to help people from war-torn/third world countries is obliged to do so –  but in a way that is going to be advantageous to both countries, the helper and the helpee. But for a country like Britain – that has enough issues of its own – to just open up its boarders and allow anyone and everyone entry is making a mockery of immigration law and the British Government as a whole.

So this Bolivian guy managed to successfully prove – in front of a panel of judges and with the help of his solicitor – that the fact that he and his girlfriend had brought a cat together was enough to not have him deported. The Home Office responded by saying that this decision was a “disappointment” and failed to understand how the Asylum and Immigration Tribunal could take into account the ownership of a cat when dealing with an illegal immigrant’s deportation case.

So, you might ask, what will the follow up be to this completely harebrained decision? Well, I think that the next step would be for all illegal immigrants to get cats. Maybe the Government could waste some more money by printing directions to animal shelters on asylum seeker leaflets. Or alternatively immigrants can pick up a stray cat. Since there is a big problem with stray cats in Britain, this could potentially help to alleviate the issue. They’d be killing two birds with one cat! In turn, illegal immigrants could probably argue that by picking up a stray cat, they are actually helping the government, as well as making a life for themselves – and the rescued cat! Look out for the next RSPCA press release: ‘Record Number of Cats Re-Homed”

Going back to the actual story though, during the official ruling, one of the immigration judges remarked that “the cat need no longer fear having to adapt to Bolivian mice”. Cute, but you’re in a courtroom dealing with a DEPORTATION case… not really the time to be cute… Seriously British Government, what on earth is going on? Maybe the next news story this will read ‘Migrant Spared Deportation Because he Loves EastEnders’.. Ridiculous!

The immigrant’s name – along with the name of his cat – were kept secret on the court documents to maintain the privacy of the defendant. But kudos Bolivian guy, I wish Canadian immigration laws were like this, as I had a cat, boyfriend, job, apartment and still couldn’t get my papers extended!

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